TO CHINA - caroline kepnes

We’re lovely people,‭ ‬Dan and I.‭ ‬We came to China because the mother spirit wants us to take in a child who already breathes rather than create anew.‭ ‬We’re ready.‭ ‬Dan plays jazz trombone,‭ ‬he’s as‭ ‬New Orleans as they come.‭ ‬I’m a financial planner for divorced women.‭ ‬We’re also regular.‭ ‬We eat peanut butter,‭ ‬mainstream,‭ ‬organic,‭ ‬we have a line on what really matters.‭ ‬Dan and me,‭ ‬we’re good people begging.‭ ‬I was adopted.‭ ‬I know what it is to make family.‭ ‬

But the family won’t get made,‭ ‬not entirely.‭ ‬I can’t get a line on little beige Derry.‭ ‬He’s mine but he doesn’t want to be mine.‭ ‬He’s a fish that gets away,‭ ‬not from Dan though.‭ ‬He wants Dan’s song.‭ ‬Dan looks at me different.‭ ‬I can see his first wife in his head,‭ ‬the paws on way she had with the babies they made.‭ ‬I hate jazz now.‭ ‬Jazz doesn’t give a shit.‭ ‬I play tight pop when Dan’s not here,‭ ‬pop doesn’t brat out on you and wander to daddy just because.‭ ‬I hit Derry yesterday.‭ ‬Dan can’t see it.‭ ‬He doesn’t know Derry’s skin like I do.‭ ‬Dumb jazzman,‭ ‬good daddy though,‭ ‬I’ll give him that.