THIS SHOULDN'T BE SUCH AN ORDEAL - jason half-pillow

Taking a shit like this should not be such an ordeal, but the kids playing with the water balloons are making it one. I ate two cans of Alpo an hour ago and since I’ve got colitis, it runs right through me, so I’m in here with all my belongings in my damn duffel back, just trying to take this shit. The kids come running in, boys being chased by girls, and they’re all throwing water balloons and screaming.

“God Damn It!” I yell, “Can’t a man take a shit in peace?!”

They all stop yelling and dart out and I can hear them through the grate in the little window open above the stall frantically telling every kid who will listen not to go in there because there’s some crazy guy in there taking a shit.

Well that gets the trouble makers coming in and I hear one of them say,

“Fee Fie Foe Fum! I smell an Englishman taking a shit!”

And over the stall door comes an untied water balloon spraying me with water all the way down. Others come in throwing garbage. They get bored and stop. And I try again taking this God damned shit.

Jason Half-Pillow
The Sun Also Rises