USES FOR A FAT FRIEND
I would really like a fat friend, not like obesely disgustingly fat, but pleasantly fat, like in a way I could have fun with. I would squeeze her 'til her gummy eyes pop out like those piggy key chains and then rent her out for my birthday party so I could jump on her - in good fun – and I'd play hide and seek in the folds of her fat and grab a fistful of her flesh and run with it and see how far I could get and invite her over to make me pies and cookies and we'd eat ice cream out of the container and I wouldn't feel bad and I'd drip ice cream on her tummy and watch my dog lick it off and watch her skin like waves ripple with laughter and then rub jelly on her belly and rub the unspikey side of my dad's electric razor over it and pretend I was giving her a sonogram and that she was having siamese twins! I would put on a sumo-wrestler Halloween costume and challenge her to a duel.
I, Sam Pink, Want to Have Sex with That One Girl from "Clarissa Explains It All'