THE THREE DEATHS OF MATTHEW
The first time he killed Matthew he attached Matthew to a balloon. Inflated the balloon with a vacuum cleaner. He thought of attaching a camera to Matthew to record his demise. Document his termination. Didn't want no cowhand jawboning about the survival of Matthew.
The second time was all about subterfuge. And pruning. Pruning was his point of access. He asked an innocent question about a pruning notice. On the face of it the question was innocent, but the truth was that he'd been dancing around Matthew when Matthew hung in effigy from a metal frame. Anyone who bothered to look out a window could see the frame. Matthew would probably be mistaken for vinyl patched with duct tape, however.
The third time he killed Matthew he fed Matthew to the sea lions. While the sea lions snoozed he pre-celebrated with an ice cream cone. He wiped his hands clean. He clapped his hands. The sea lions awoke and looked up, all but a few who, spooked, dove. Matthew fluttered down. He had basted Matthew in Alaskan water drained from cans of salmon. Sea lions wait by the mouth of the Lake Washington drainage and consume large quantities of salmon.
The Timeless Way of Building